Lance Armstrong: Superfraud

"Take off that yellow bracelet and throw it away!"

The above quote from the award desiring rap group "Woop Deee Whoop" continues to prove to be timeless. SI has mildly shocked the sports world with more allegations of Lance Armstrong being a bad guy. He was busted at an airport with drugs, tested positive three times without it ever being reported, and on and on. I'm not quite sure why, "Lance Armstrong Turns Out To Be A Bad Guy," is a headline that continues to surprise people. This fool just seems like a horrible dude. He dumps Sheryl Crow when she finds out she has cancer, he bribes the head of cycling after it was initially discovered that he was doping with the rest of the US Postal team, and he has been misusing the money earned from his lame yellow bracelets for his own needs rather than cancer research. He's a bum, and to say he's a fraud is an understatement.

On the way into work today, I was listening to AM830, and the question was posed: "Is Lance Armstrong the biggest fraud in the history of sports?" That's a much more difficult question that "The Sports Lodge" can answer, in my opinion, but it inspired me to put together a list of the biggest frauds from each of the LSF squads. This ought to be fun.

Angels: Mike Scioscia- I really thought about going with Brandon Wood, but our head coach has been fooling people for a much longer period of time. Sure he has a World Series title. Sure he has the most wins in Angels history. He is 980-802 as the Halo manager, so he has that. But if you actually have watched the games since 2000, you know that his early success was thanks to the help of Joe Maddon and Buddy Black, and that he often appears to not know how to manage a game. He makes horrible pitching changes, awful sac bunt calls, and seems barely interested most of the time. He's a fraud.

Dodgers: Darryl Strawberry- It was tough to pick, with players like Andruw Jones, Jason Schmidt, Todd Hundley, and Juan Pierre dotting Doyer history, but the Straw takes the cake as the biggest Blue Crew fraud. Few remember that he signed a 5 year $22+ million contract in 1991 with the Dodgers. That happened right befor he decided to let cocaine take over his life. After having an okay first year, he went .237 with 5 jacks and .140 with 5 jacks the next two seasons before being arrested for domestic violence, going to rehab, and having his contract bought out.

Blue Jays: Esteban Loaiza- It's not that Loaiza sucked as a Jay. Well, he kind of did. 3 years went by and he produced a 25-28 record with a near-5 ERA. But, it was the deal made between the Jays and the Rangers in 2000 that makes Esteban a true fraud. The Jays dealt UCSB alumni and super star SS Michalel Young to the Rangers to get Loaiza, and he went 5-7 that first season for the Jays. If you could take one trade back in Blue Jay history, this would be it.

Canucks: Mark Messier- Mats Sundin was also in the running for me, but Messier was such a weird thing for Orca fans. He came over in 1997 and played with us until 1999 (3 seasons). I think it was the fact that he was just handed the "C" that makes him a fraud. All of us fans were so upset by the way he just kind of walked in and demanded to be the clubhouse leader. He scored 22, 13, and 17 in his three years in BC. Hardly a captain's share.

Sabres: Maxim Afinogenov- Talk about a fraud. Maxim is regarded by some as one of the better Sabres in recent memory, but he doesn't really have anything to back that up. The most goals he scored in a single season with the Sabres was 23. Also, in his 9 years in Buffalo, he was only on the positive side of the +/- three times (even if you think that stat is a fraud). And people used to (and still do) talk about him as if he was elite.

Blackhawks: Brian Campbell- I may be a victim of the present time on this one, but Campbell came into my head when thinking about the Sabres, and since the Hawks laid a ridiculous 8 year $300 billion contract on him, I figured he'd be a solid choice. 52 points in a season is a career high for Campbell, and last season he only had 38. For an "offensive defensiveman" he isn't producing as much as the Hawks would like. Hence being bounced around so much after leaving Buffalo.

Maple Leafs: Dion Phaneuf- The main reasons I picked Phaneuf for this one are 1) I have always hated his guts and 2) in a poll of 272 annonymous NHL players, Phaneuf was selected as the most overrated player in the entire NHL. Got to respect their opinion. He has one goal and seven assists this year, after getting a huge paycheck from Brian Burke (another nomine for biggest Leaf fraud?) and company.

Fighting Irish: Jimmy Clausen- I can't think of a bigger fraud to come out of the Golden Dome or possibly anywhere. Upon having a giant press conference at the College Football Hall of Fame, then-high schooler Clausen arrived in a limo and announced that he would lead Notre Dame to four straight national titles. We should have tatooed "fraud" on his forehead when he was passed out from apple-tinis and Natty Ice at some douchey frat party.

Rice: Andrew Sendejo- Granted, I don't know anything about Rice fotball, but I did hear a grip of Owl fans talking about how legit S Drew Sendejo was, and how he'd be the steal of the draft. Well, that may be seen sometime in the future, but with just 1 tackle in his rookie year, I'm guessing Cowboy fans are calling fraud on Andrew so far.

Wake Forest: Ricky Proehl- As a Ram fan, this is kind of crazy, but only twice in his 16 year NFL career did the former Demon Deacon have more than 5 TD catches in a season. I'll admit, I hopped on the "Proehl is the greatest white wide out ever" bandwagon, but looking back makes me realize he's kind of a fraud.

Trojans: OJ Simpson- Kind of a slam dunk on this one.

Bruins: Gary Beban- UCLA's only Heisman Trophy winner was inducted in the Rose Bowl Hall of Fame, and drafted in the second round of the '68 NFL draft. He played two seasons, threw one pass in five games, and retired as a huge Blue and Gold fraud.

UCSB: Mike Vukovich- Easily the biggest fraud during my years at UCSB. The Matre Dei graduate will forever live on in my memory for missing a chance to win a huge game when he was fouled beyond the arc and the three free throws would have won the game (against USC, maybe?). He missed, the student section swarmed the floor in a mini-riot, and his fraud-ness was solidified.

Johns Hopkins: Brandon Davis- Definitely the biggest fraud to ever (not) play goalie for the Jays lacrosse team.

Providence: God Shammgod- A Providence basketball player, he played one season with the Wizards before heading to the Chinese Basketball Association. He currently plays with Stephon Marbury (another giant fraud) on the Shanxi Zhongyu. With a name like God, he's clearly a fraud, especially coming out of a good Catholic school.

Rams: Georgia Frontiere- I wrote a post when she died about how horrible she was for this franchise. Does that sum up how much of a fraud this woman was? She stole my favorite NFL team and moved them to St. Louis, and for that, she will never be forgiven.

49'ers: Alex Smith- I could have gone back in history, but when you have a fraud like Alex Smith, why waste my time? Everyone fell in love with Smith after his time in Utah, and when you combine that with his NFL combine performance, NFL people were gushing. Now look at him. Replaced more often than not, his 5 years as a NFL QB have him throwing 51 TDs and 53 INTs. With an 85 QB rating, how is this guy still on this team?

Ravens: Ray Lewis- I'm sorry, but he's a murderer who gets to do Chunky Soup commercials and everyone likes him. A fraud on every level.

Fountain Valley High School: Ms. Benitez- Does she actually know anything about Spanish? Why can I not speak it very well despite going through AP Spanish 5? Fraud.

Servite: Craig A. Kelly- Probably the worst Ambassador of the US to Chile ever. Sorry, I couldn't hate on any athlete from the high school that produced my boy Mike Witt.

Celtics: Antoine Walker- Even though he was a member of my favorite Celtic team of all time, even I am man enough to admit that Antoine was a fraud. He currently plays for the Idaho Stampede of the D-League, and isn't a very good guy. Bad checks, DUIs, robberies, and a boat load of missed three pointers.

Clippers: Chris Kaman- Just my own personal opinion, but when you are born and raised in the United States, you shouldn't go and play for Germany in the Olympics. Gigantic fraud.

Lakers: Kobe Bryant- I love picking him, because it'll make people mad. This jerk raped some chick in Colorado, and he's still one of the most beloved sports figures in the World. Getting a tatoo and winning another title won't change the fact that the Black Mamba is a huge fraud.

Newcastle: Michael Owen- This guy almost made me completely give up on soccer. Injured more than Christopher Reeves, he was heralded as a savior when we got him, and did absolutely nothing at the SJP.

Man U: Michael Carrick- Acquired in 2006 as a super talented midfielder, Carrick hasn't exactly lived up to the hype the Red Devils tried to drum up. Sure, he's alright, but is 12 goals in 5 years exactly what Man U was expecting?

Chelsea: John Terry- Man, people hate this guy. Sure, he's been voted the top defender time and time again, but he'll forever be remembered for slipping in the Champions League on a penalty shot against the Red Devils, thus securing a trophy-less season for the Blues. For not converting an easy Champions League win, Terry is a fraud.

Everton: Phil Neville- Homeboy won six EPL titles, three FA Cups, and the Euro Cup with Manchester United, and has been total crap since coming to the People's Club in 2005. Everton fans could speak for hours on his fraud-ness.

Celtic FC: Mark Viduka- After being signed by Celtic in 1998, Viduka simply called on the phone to say that he was quitting due to stress. He never kicked a ball. Of course, that stress would later somehow be managed, and he played well for the Hoops. Or so we thought. Viduka would later come out in the media to say that he plays at about 70% of his potential, and he would forever be known around Glasgow as a fraud.

Ranges FC: Nuno Capucho- Picked up by Rangers for the '03-'04 season, Capucho is regarding as one of the worst signings in Rangers history. The winger scored just 5 goals for the Protties that year, and as expected, they took home no silveware in a season wher they downsized to a nothing franchise.

Chivas USA: Martín Zúñiga- "El Pulpo" was one of the big reasons people jumped on the Chivas USA bandwagon when the team started in 2005. He piloted Chivas de Guadalajara to a Mexican Championship in the past, but injured himself befor Chivas' first game. The team's franchise goalie returned for just 4 games before re-injuring his knee and deciding to retire. We may have eventually gotten Guzano and Thorton between the pipes, but Zúñiga, our first goalie, was also Chivas' first fraud.

Let the arguments begin.

-- Sent from my Palm Prē